Similies

Similes are metaphors that compare two things using the words like and as. However, metaphors that compare using the word than are also similes. They are lovely little bits of our language that I truly adore. Some examples from over the years:

Dumber than shit!
Colder than a witch’s tit!
Dryer than dirt!
Busier than a one-armed paper hanger!
Stupider than a stone!
Fatter than a whale!
Head harder than a rock!

(This list could fill many, many pages but you get the idea. Right?)

I, like many of my contemporaries, love to invent new similes. The first reason is to introduce some new texture into our language. The second reason is to exercise the gray matter a bit to keep it trim and in shape. After all, who wants to have a brain that has exceeded its expiration date? It could go stale or something.

Some offerings:

Dumber than a dead trout!
Colder than an ass on ice!
Dryer than Martian mushroom!
Busier than Hillary’s paper shredder!
Stupider than a tire valve!
Fatter than a Walmart shopper!
Head harder than a wet sand box!

So my fellow metaphorists, do you have any simile offerings of your own? I’d love to see some.

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