‘At’s ‘he ‘hing, Inin It?

America seems to have a love affair with Brits and Aussies. We demand that our commercials and newscasts are delivered by people who can not speak American English. We seem to think the archaic language of our distant cousins in the British Isles and their former penal colony is somehow cool.

Turn on your television (Telly) and you will hear our beautiful language butchered in every conceivable way in order to sell something. But, of course selling is the name of the game. ‘At’s ‘he ‘hing, inin It? There’s a bloke from down under pandering cleaning products with his Crocodile Dundee-like toothy grin. Lord, it really seems like there should be a billy bong in there somewhere from which springs a giant croc to swallow this bloke up. I mean this dude is really annoying!

But wait there’s more. Virtually every major news channel in the United States has their own special little Brit who blathers on in a distant dialect that is unintelligible to most Americans. I want the news, i.e. currents events, without a lesson in Anglo-Saxon. Please! If I hear aluminum pronounced that crazy way one more time, I swear I’m going to start screaming at my TV.

The Brits have even managed to screw-up Hollywood. A few years ago, I took my wife to see a questionable remake of the Exodus story: Exodus: Gods and Kings. I was treated to hours of biblical people babbling British English. I did not know that Moses was from Liverpool and Ramses was from somewhere around the Midlands. Chiefly because of these sketchy accents, the movie bombed. Duh!

Now before someone in Britain starts calling me an old git, let me further explain. I have nothing personal against the British Isles or their lovely (loo-vly) people or that former penal colony. I would just humbly expect that my cinema and television content, including those pesky commercials, be delivered to me in my native parlance. I want to be entertained and informed not annoyed. I’m pretty sure those in Britain would prefer their media not be delivered with a French accent or am I wrong?

The fact that British English hasn’t really changed that much in 300 years or so aside, what’s with the absence of those Ts and Hs and substituting an R for an A at the end of words. I don’t bloody live in Americer – I live in America and I would prefer to hear American English.

My apologies in advance (I fear the swift Anglo-Saxon sword.):

To both the Brits and Aussies – I apologize for co-mingling your cultures. I realize you are not fond of each other and that all blokes are not the same.

Yes I know that many of our great actors on the stage and in movies were British. Blimey!

Yes, I know you think your pronunciation of aluminum is correct. Forgive me for not agreeing.

I know the Exodus movie’s bombing was not Britain’s fault; it was a bloody bad film.

I could apologize all night but well, ‘at’s ‘he ‘hing, inin It?

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