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Me And The Munk

May 27, 2016

“Son of a bitch! He fooled me again!”

This refrain has been heard around our house for a couple of years now. As I gaze out my kitchen window, my nemesis has once again eluded me and hopped happily into the waiting forest. Again I think aloud, “I have lost another battle of wits to a rodent with a brain the size of a dime.”

My nemesis? A simple chipmunk who frequents our yard way too often. He depletes the bird seed that I put out for more deserving creatures: the cardinals, wrens and their many friends. He is one crafty little creature. He can shinny up a steel shepherd’s hook, grab his booty and then disappear in an instant.

My wife says, “Make him walk the plank!” She is referring to the old chipmunk dispatching trick of placing a small baited stick over a pail of water. But I really don’t want to drown the little fellow. I just want him to go away and leave me and the birds alone. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is!

Let me digress a bit. Many years ago, when we lived in Oregon, my mortal enemies were the 40 plus raccoons that regularly patrolled our property. They would stop at nothing to drive me over the edge. They would try to destroy the wooden shingles on our home’s roof, they would wake us at night as they fought with each other and they did immense damage to our pond and landscaping. Frequently our neighbors would see me out in my underwear at three in the morning as I tried to get the creatures to leave by spraying the hose on them. They just laughed (the neighbors and the raccoons). I would chase them as they dove under our deck. Again, I didn’t want to do them any real harm so I tried a sling shot loaded with chick peas. My masked enemies thought that was just great. As I pelted them in the ass, they would just turn, eat the garbanzo bean and sit up begging for more. I was always vanquished. I never won a single round. Finally, I just moved to Italy. There are no raccoons there.

Returning to the striped little demons that now vex me, I must say that once again I have been outsmarted at every turn and by a mere member of the Rodentia order at that! I tried spraying a little WD-40 on the shepherd’s hooks that hold the bird feeders. The amusement of watching the chipmunk slide back down after his initial assault was short lived. Apparently, most use four-paw drive technology and can go anywhere. Red pepper doesn’t dissuade them either. I have tried to simply scare them by clapping at them loudly. They seem to clap back as though they are applauding my comedy. They genuinely love the sport in all of this and I do not.

Another day has ended and I humbly thank God as I know that chipmunks, like me, must sleep. Tomorrow is another day and another battle will be enjoined. Who will be the victor? I’m guessing that it will again be Mr. Munk and his minions and that I will hear a faint murmur from my back yard: Veni, Vidi, et torquentur.

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  1. That was just plain fun to read!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. allenrizzi permalink

    Thank you Celia. It was just plain fun to write.


  3. This is a hoot. We do not have any chipmunks around here, but I have seen them on Skyline Drive.

    Liked by 2 people

    • We have an unsteady truce of sorts. But when the frost breaks I expect that I will once again not be the victor in my little war.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Reblogged this on allenrizzi and commented:

    A little break from world tensions and war:


  5. Cute story, and I can relate, from my years living in Upper Michigan. I kind of liked the cute chipmunks, though, and they would join me on the terrace to get sunflower seed snacks. The squirrels and one fat raccoon were the biggest problems, as far as actually depleting the food meant for the birds.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Squirrels are my nemesis. They have rendered more than one supposedly squirrel-proof bird feeder useless.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. This is a hoot. I enjoyed reading it.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I like that you used garbanzo beans/chick peas when you were fighting with the raccoons. Very humane of you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow! you have had your rounds! Seem to me I would have had a coon skin cap with all those racoons!


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